This is something that I’ve been meaning to get off my chest for awhile, but I didn’t really know how best to. Would I express it with a single IG post? Would I type out a long FB post, where only personal friends would get to read about it? Or should I blog about it here, because I feel like I’m probably not the only one who’s ever felt this way before?
And I arrived at the last choice because I can only imagine how alone someone else would feel if they felt the same way, but with no one to feel alone with.
As those of you who have followed my blog regularly enough would know, I have struggled with depression, anxiety and relationships for a LONG-ASS time. It’s almost become a part of who I am; my identity as Wani is someone who’s constantly sad but always cheering other people on because I would never, ever wish anyone else to feel even an ounce of what I feel.
My last therapy session was a majorly tough one to hold myself together – mainly due to the fact that we explored the core of my issues and my therapist shed some light on the truth of my abuse. She is, so far, the only one who knows everything and for me to have divulged every detail is a crazy milestone. Fair enough to say, I cried non-stop for that 1.5 hour session.
So, what is the whole point of this post? I want to say that it is absolutely 100% normal to feel like you’re going through a lull in your life; for you to feel like a mental, emotional or even intellectual wall has suddenly erected itself in your path. And it’s only human for anyone to feel like taking a backseat and wallowing or allowing that low to wash over them.
I’m here to say, let that happen. Embrace that feeling and accept that you are feeling this way about yourself and your circumstances. It’s what makes you human. And when you’re preparing to pick yourself up again, just keep in mind one important thing: live in that moment. This is something my recent experience at The Happiness Program taught me. The past is done – hands washed and there’s absolutely nothing that you can do about it, even if you regret it. The future? Yes, you can plan, you can worry and you can schedule your days, weeks and months to a T. BUT, where is your now?
I’m talking about the next one or two hours. When you awake in the morning, most people start thinking of all the things they need to accomplish in the day ahead. I say, stop. Start thinking of just waking up, taking a good refreshing shower or seeing your partner and/or kids and getting a good breakfast. Just think about that and nothing else. Work and chores and errands will always be there for you, so deal about that when the time comes. Simply focus on the immediate blessings you have right now.
Be present and engaged in this very moment. Be grateful for what you have every single minute. Cherish these few seconds before they tick away. How exactly does this help with coping with the dark times in our lives, you ask? Because worry, fear and expectations place unnecessary burden and stress on ourselves. Because when we plan so far ahead and we anticipate our own performance so much that it disappoints us when we don’t do as well, we might feel less than what we’re worth.
To be inconsistent is normal. To be “not up to my own standards” is normal. To be judged is normal. To be flawed is normal. To be imperfect is normal. But also, to be all that, makes you beautiful and great and amazing. To be able to truly appreciate the highs in life and be thankful when things go your way, there have to be lows and struggles; they aren’t opposites, but mere complements.
I hope my words can make even the tiniest impact on anyone who’s going through something in their lives which may cause them to question, “Why me? Why is this happening?” You aren’t alone, and you aren’t less of who you are because of shortcomings.
I know this post is a long one, but I feel it’s so important. Share this with your friends and family who need love and support, and never let anyone dull your shine no matter what.