Everyone out there seems to unanimously agree that 2016 has been hell, for some reason or other. Whether it be due to death, politics, trashy celebrity news or horrible trends, there was undoubtedly a reason for everyone to feel like this past year has been a basic bitch.

Then there’s me. This year was the first time in years that I was single (and still am), after being in relationship after relationship for more than 10 years, without so much as a break in between. Being thrown into the dating pool when you’re 30 is one thing, but having to realise the truth behind modern dating is another.

You’d think that having the choice of seeing several guys at a time, when you’re so used to being with just one, is like being a kid in a candy store. Uhm, sorry, no, it isn’t. Dating these days is fucking brutal – excuse my language. It truly is.

It seems like no single male these days dates for the prospect of finding a deeper connection.

‘Netflix and chill’ has become so commonplace it’s disgusting. From where I stand, it seems like dating has become a time-filler or a pursuit in finding the perfect fuck buddy/friend with benefits.

And even if that one date doesn’t culminate in the both of you getting between the sheets, the best alternative is to ghost on the other party. I honestly, truly don’t get it; please, can someone enlighten me as to why this is so?

I try my darndest best to try and understand why these guys react and behave the way they do, and I constantly and repeatedly tell myself it’s not my fault. But for someone dealing with her own depression and anxiety, it’s tough not to look within my person and question why no one has bothered to stay.

Is there something so terribly, fundamentally flawed with me, as a person?

Sometimes it does my head (and heart) in, frequently overthinking about how imperfect I am, how I could be so much better or easier to love, if I made some changes to myself. What if they saw through all my smiles and kind words and realised I was this broken, incomplete and thoroughly unmanageable woman? What if, at the end of the day, regardless of my efforts and willingness to commit, I am just simply unlovable?

There’s a reason I’ve quit all dating/social apps. I stick to the small circle of trust that I’ve curated this past year to include only those I believe will try their best to stand by me (nobody’s perfect, so I will not say I expect them to). All in all, I’ve basically thrown in the towel and have very little to no faith in modern dating. I honestly believe there is nothing that dating will do for me or for my current state of mind. As for my future, I guess if someone walks into my life miraculously, then let them.


Don’t get me wrong; I’m not seeking validation from a lover or a fleeting encounter with a hot stud. I know self-love is the most important love there is. I’m just saying when I have put myself out there and worn my heart on my sleeve, it hasn’t turned out well. In fact, it really tears me apart. And that is why, for now, I am done.

Wani xoxo


4 thoughts on “How Modern Dating Has Worsened My Confidence and Self-Love

  1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I totally respect your views, but I feel like I should share mine in return.

    Firstly, sex and love indeed walk on a very thin divide, and in many aspects, they can be vastly regarded as separate. But to say that sex should never be called “making love” is quite a stretch. I’m sure you agree that humans (and actually dolphins) have sex for more than just procreation? We do it to express our affection, devotion and utmost passion for someone we love as well.

    Secondly, I don’t really quite see why anyone – whether man or woman – should refrain themselves from verbally expressing their love for their partner if that is how they truly feel. Yes, words only serve their purpose to a limit and actions truly speak volumes about how important you are to someone. But it’s also about the little things in a strong relationship that really count, and can sometimes make all the difference.

    Like you say, we all still have much to learn from one another when it comes to relationships, because every single one is different and not all the same ‘rules’ apply across the board. I hope my two cents adds value to this discussion, and have a great day! 🙂



  2. Well this is my view abt love. Pls accept my apologies if it offended anyone.

    The very concept of love is totally misinterpreted by many out there. Firstly, having sex should be never be called Love making at all. Love and sex are two different things like from two different dimensions.
    Sex is just a continuity of life form which is done by mammals , birds, insects, fish, reptiles, amphibians etc. Continuity of lifeform so as to prevent extinction.

    Love…hmmmmmmmmmm that’s different. Love is not abt hugging, kissing, buying gifts, holding hands or saying, “ I love u so much” “I miss u so much” “ oh my darling I cant imagine life without u” I will do anything for u” etc……those are merely words, any Tom Dick n harry can say that very superb easily. Words are just words. However, putting that into actions NOT many can do that. Thats why man of action would restraint from using above words.why ?? one might ask… he does not need to say all that cos he is putting all that into action on daily basis.

    Putting that to actions requires the followings:
    1) Love is abt ones attitude , character, perception of life and mindset.
    2)Love is abt commitments. Love is abt doing ones duties and responsibilities without anything in return-unconditional. Love has no ulterior motives. Love is abt sacrifices, giving in, tolerating, respect, equality, communication and empathy.
    3) Love is not always abt having good times n enjoying ones presence. its abt sticking with the one during very bad times. When there is arguments or big fights……which are inevitable but have a mindset that after such big fights n big problems , the bond is gonna get stronger only. Just like a raw diamond, a diamond gets its worth and beauty from intense chiseling cutting and pounding by the diamond maker. In relationship big fights quarrels are gonna make the relationship beautiful in the future. Of course at the point of problems, we might not see it at all…all we see is negativity and reasons to give up. In reality , all that problems n fights are gonna make the relationship stronger, better and beautiful. Its all abt self realization of oneself. Both parties must train oneself to have such a mindset. Positive mindset.

    Well I am no love expert at all. I am learning each day too. I have a lot to learn too…I should say way lot to learn abt love. The above is not from any books or magazines but from my own personal experiences as a human being.


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